u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
