I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
