i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
