Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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