I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
