Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
