YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he shaved USA in his pubs
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
