please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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