why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
