You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
