I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
