I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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