She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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