operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
