Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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