Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
