literally had 100 drinks last night.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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