I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize