in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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