it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
