i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
