FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
