Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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