I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
