yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
