I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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