Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
no. you can't hotbox the world.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
