It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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