1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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