I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
