I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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