the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
