my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
