Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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