i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
