It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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