But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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