can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
