Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
