these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
