he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
