Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
