Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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