Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
