Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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