my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
