It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
