he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
