I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
