Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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