I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
