You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
