I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If that was your dad, he is hot
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
