he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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