My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
