I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
