Me too!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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