so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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