my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
