i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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