oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
