woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I met the friendliest cop last night
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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