it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
