also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
