are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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