he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We named our party play list daddy issues
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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