Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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