i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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