He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
