He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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