the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
