Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
